Worth My Blood

How long has it been since my last blog?
Here I am, on a whim, deciding to blog although I have mounds and mounds of work to do. Perhaps it’s the momentum I’m carrying from answering emails to close friends and from not being able to blog for so long.

Life has been busy, and it just keeps getting busier. The curious thing is, I find it becoming busier as I let go of more and more things. As I let go of watching TV (which I’m committing to, now), of playing videogames, of leaving childish behavior behind to truly grow up, and as I just continue to let go, it seems as though my schedule becomes piled up with more.

Why more?

I would sum up how I’m doing, what I’ve been learning, and what God has been hammering into my life into a few phrases, with some explanation:

Integrity
I used to think integrity referred only to virtue. Now I know how wrong I was. God has really been teaching me that integration is the essence of integrity, integration here being the opposite of compartmentalization. The challenge here, which excites me, scares me, drives me, kills me, brings me to life is the full integration of Christianity into my life. I realized that much of what I did for Jesus in highschool was alleviated by the fact that I could pad up my college applications. There were moments where my attitude was one of a user, essentially using ministry for selfish gains – building my character, updating my resume, growing into a better person. But this Christian walk is NOT about me, it’s ALL about God. And therein lies the struggle. ALL ABOUT GOD. Everything. My relationships with others – God first. My academics – God first. My career – God first. My life – God first. My future – God first. These translate differently into specific actions, but the value of integrity here is the same. I feel as though I’m learning the BASICS all over again, and who I am is simultaneously dying and being filled with abundant life.

You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You and I are forgiven and free
When you and I choose to surrender
You and I choose to believe
You and I will see how we were meant to be.

Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the Body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

The Undeniability of God’s Work in My Life
So often my vision for my life and the church is something small, something limited. Then I was reminded of this goal. “When people see me, they no longer see me, but they see Christ in me.” This has really reworded itself into the title of this section – striving to a point where people can see the undeniability of God’s work in my life. David Robinson, NBA Hall of Famer, in his acceptance speech, spoke boldly and claimed that all who knew him could see the evidence of God’s hand in his life. Basically, it boils down to this: If you take God out of the equation, my life makes no sense at all. Translate that to the vision of the Church, as one Body: If you take God out of the equation, you can’t explain the church and its ministry. Without God, there is no explanation! The prospect of that lights a fire like no other in my heart, spirit, and body.

Is it Worth Your Blood?
This is another phrase that keeps popping into my head. How do I want to live my life? Or, rather, how do I want to live the life God has given me? If these goals of integrity and undeniability of God’s work in my life shall be reached, my life shall necessarily reflect a narrow path. A narrow path because it is the path of integrity and single focus. It is a path devoted to one thing, one desire, my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. A narrow path because of the struggle and difficulty in walking it, and the constant challenge to step outside of comfort, to step against culture and society, to fight the principalities. I was reading the Bible from Matthew 6 and this phrase kept popping into my mind. On the fly I wrote a short poem/paragraph/whatever:

That which we treasure
Must either rot or last forever
Because something in between
Is bathing and settling
In void and loss.

My heart cries
For something more
To give my tears
My blood
My sweat and work
My life to.
What would you bleed for?

Is what you’re living for
Worth your blood?

You bled for me.

Yet I am so little
What can I do
So take the little that I have
and make much
of, for, and in You.

Last Remarks
I haven’t been able to share very much of what’s been happening up here with people back home. This is barely a fraction of the amount of things I’ve been through already in this first month and a little more of college. It seems as though I am growing in my faith so much, and undeniably I am, but don’t be mistaken. The struggle, the confession of sin, the prayer, the mistakes, the sins committed, the falling and rising, the emotions…there is so much left out in these words – so much that would give this more dimension, more accuracy in portrayal. I wish I could share life with you, reader, so that you could see. I wish that I could speak in ways more clear, more succinct, more creative, more informational.

I’m doing something called Interhigh with Gracepoint Fellowship Church. I’ve been twittering about it and such, but to clarify for the folks back home – It’s like Impact, but with a focus on mentorship, fellowship, and Worldview/Apologetics training. With the covering of a church it’s more stable, and it has grander vision because of the experience of everyone on the team. Interhigh aims at providing these 3 things for Christian youth who aren’t well fed in their churches because of limited resources, no youth pastor, etc. I’m extremely excited to be a mentor to high school Christian students. www.interhigh.org

I love city planning, by the way. It’s been going great so far despite and because of the immense workload. Studying rocks.

Wow. Probably one of my most open posts.

Back to work now. Jesus loves you all.

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